2019 in Review: Reaching My Limits

I’ll be honest, I’m glad 2019 is over. It’s not that I can close it like a book and shelve it, pretending it never existed. While marking years and days is mostly a human convention, the changing of the calendar year often gives one the opportunity to start anew, often with renewed vigor and determination that lasts at least until the first two months of the year. Of course, no New Year’s Resolution list is really complete without taking a look back at the past 12 months, something I’d rather not but must do.

2019 started normally enough with the usual festivities intermixed with the whirlwind activities that fill the first two or three months of the year. And then April came, shaking my world literally and figuratively. It brought the strongest earthquake I remember experiencing in my more than 30 years of existence and it made me acutely aware of how terribly ill-prepared we are for such calamities.

It was easy enough to forget that earthquake thanks to the premiere of Marvel’s Avengers: Endgame just a few days later. As a comic book geek, it was the climax of years of building up plots and conspiracy theories. To say that I was excited would probably be an understatement (even if Iron Fist wouldn’t be part of that larger cinematic universe). On a side note, the anticipation did get the creative juices flowing for a while. Little did I know that it wouldn’t last long.

May came and went in a flurry, with my sister’s XXth birthday being the highlight of the month. And then June happened and that was when things went south. What followed was practically four months of commutes, guilt, failure, and fatigue. I had hoped that, come October, I would have already recovered to get back into my regular cadence. As the lack of output since then proved, it was definitely not the case.

Of course, 2019 wasn’t all that bad. In fact, the downturns served to better highlight the bright moments. Despite and in spite of everything that has happened, I can still say that we’re living life comfortably. I am still blessed with family, friends, colleagues, resources, and life. Ironically, that also makes me feel a tad more guilty for continuing to squander all of that.

I refuse to let that be the end, though. 2019 really showed me my limits, the chinks in my armor, and the flaws in my plans. I would be lying if I denied there were times when I did think of giving up for good. But now 2019 is over and it may simply be a human convention, but I’m ready to face 2020, hopefully, stronger and wiser than before.

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